Saving Your Sanity When Covid Takes Over
Pin It!Introduction
On a random Wednesday afternoon we got the dreaded text that everyone has been anticipating but fearing at the same time. “Mama, P tested positive for Covid.” Cue the horror movie music and a close up of my anxiety-filled surprised face. Let me ask you this, who in your household is the weakest link? By “weakest link” I am not talking about lack of strength or mental prowess. I am talking about the one person who has the highest likelihood of introducing that five letter swear word we all are currently dreading-COVID, into your household. In the Hasan household that person was (gasp big surprise here) our teenage son, whom we’ll call “Big Z”. Let me first start off by saying we are generally extremely careful. We have groceries delivered, wear masks when we leave the house (sparingly I might add), we wash our hands hundreds of times, Lysol daily, clorox weekly, don’t go to indoor events, all-in-all I would give our family the Corona-grade a solid A- for safety protocols, that is if it weren’t for our weakest link...Big Z. For mental health reasons, once the state’s regulations were lifted, we allowed him to quarantine-bubble[1] and play basketball a few times a week. Sounds fine right? Wrong. Teenagers are general stupid and I don’t mean to insult them, their frontal lobes LITERALLY are not developed. They lack the brain synapses to take danger into account, SOOO when he sheepishly admitted that their quarantine-bubble grew from four friends to, “Um I lost count,” I was livid. Though asymptomatic at the time, we IMMEDIATELY went into lockdown mode and shut that party down really quickly. We are currently on day 10 of total family quarantine and though test results haven’t officially come in, per the doctor’s orders, we are acting as though we are all positive. NOT an easy thing might I add in a family of six, two of whom are nine and seven and HIGHLY active. One of the most asked questions for us has been, “how are you keeping your sanity?” The simple response is “I am not”. However, I am constantly polling my mama village for answers, here are some ways we can save our sanity when Covid comes knocking at your door.
Safety Protocols
This is the basic first step in gaining perceived control of the situation. Quarantine the family member immediately, preferably with access to their own bathroom if possible. Text or call the last few people you have seen in-person. If you are maintaining appropriate social distance measures this list should be short. Create a sanitizing bleach mixture[2] put on some gloves and wipe everything down. The physical act will make you feel a little more in control over the uncontrollable. Once safety measures have been taken we can tackle anxiety.
Easing Anxiety
Needless to say because so much is unknown about this particular virus everyone is extremely anxiety-filled and will exhibit their anxiety in different ways. As the parent we must first acknowledge our own insecurities around this topic before addressing the anxiety in the children. My friend, Sadaf Khwaja[3],a certified parent coach and counselor, gave me some practical advice;“Give the anxious thoughts and feelings a REAL PLACE in the room. Here is how to invite them.
The first step ensures you as a MOM are able to offer more if needed, and allows the child to help you help THEM the way they really need it. Just this notion can help you know to be prepared for any uncertain area that may evolve.
Then, you can be more mentally prepared to "step into" your child's experience. Why is this crucial? As they look for comfort from you ( a mom, and safety net) they can really learn with the following dialogue, how to internally process BOTH the anxiety, and accompanied thoughts TOWARDS feeling safe, assured and comforted..and also come up with ideas for themselves, since they personally know and can feel what really clicks and what does not with them.
When you notice anything or plainly it comes up, you can help explore by asking the following questions :
"I wonder how you are coping or feeling?" "Do you have any thoughts, questions that may be with you, beyond what is obvious?" "I also wonder if you are feeling safe?"
Addressing the mom anxiety
After chatting with your child and allowing them the opportunity to open up about their feelings and insecurities and if you're anything like me, you kind of absorb their emotions and feelings on top of your own. It is now time for you to turn inwards and take care of yourself. For this question I turned to another good friend of mine, Kristen Jawad[4], an amazing mama who helps families live heart-centered lives, and she explained “Ask for help and allow helpers to set up meal trains or sponsor dinners & professional cleaners or anything you can let go of. What can you automate? Plan some alone time that allows you to take a break from caregiving and problem-solving. Don’t wait until you are burned out - be proactive and anticipate your needs. Reduce your daily decisions and get into minimal living mode.”
Personal Self-Care
Maybe the introduction of the illness is an exercise in letting go and slowing down? Maybe instead of viewing this as a burden we can look at this time as an opportunity to turn inwards and be introspective? How can we achieve this state of zen? My obvious answer is prayer. Turning to Allah (SWT)[5] during your time of need is exactly what your soul desires in order to preserve your sanity. Maintain a healthy diet and exercise, if you are physically able. Journaling your frenzied thoughts and worries on a daily basis can be helpful as well. If anything when this situation is over it can serve as a historic documentation of a glimpse into a time where people no longer hugged and hidden smiles behind face masks were the norm.
Being Grateful
These times are challenging no doubt. However, it is also a time to feel grateful. The world has slowed down and gone are the days where the hustle and bustle made us drop into bed exhausted without anything real to show for it. We have a roof over our head, food on our table, and a family to share that meal with. Though touched by the illness we have not been impacted physically as severely as others (subhanallah) and though (as of time written) we are on day 10 of quarantine our sanity seems to be relatively in check. Though come back and ask me in another 10 days.
Until Next Time.
[1] Quarantine-bubble is a select group of peers that share similar ideas on covid-quarantining, that you allow your family to see in order to maintain some semblance of mental health.
[3] https://sadafkhwajaconsulting.com/
[5] https://www.quranicsolution.com/quranic-verses-for-cure-of-diseases/
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