The Relaxation Response - How to release the tension?
I am sure you have been in situations, where you are mad, upset or irritated and you can feel your heart racing and your body tensing up. I know I have been! This is due to the responses by the nervous system that is made up of the central nervous system (CNS) and the peripheral nervous system (PNS)
When we are stressed our nervous system (specifically the PNS) responds by releasing a flood of stress hormones, which can bring on emotional and physical changes. Chronic stress can cause a multitude of issues including depression, insomnia, anxiety, autoimmune disorders, weight gain (yes, weight gain, if the stress wasn't bad enough!) and the increased chance of strokes and heart attacks.
Today I wanted to talk about ways we can relax, especially those days when we are stressed out and we can feel the tension in our body.
Dr. Benson in his book "The Relaxation Response" discusses how stress can cause muscle tension evoked by fight or flight / stress response . The fight or flight syndrome is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event, attack, or threat to survival. We can learn to release this tension or reverse it, by using a 'relaxation response' such as breathing exercises to relax your body and mind and to bring our bodies to our pre stress physiological state.
This can be done by using various methods including the deep relaxation methods of 'body awareness' and ‘progressive muscle relaxation.
This is the practice of:
Bringing awareness to a specific body location
Starting with the top of your head and moving down to your toes
Checking in with each part of the body whilst actively tensing each muscle group vigorously without straining
Releasing the tension whilst further relaxing the muscle
This form of deep relaxation has proven to show improvement for many people including patients who suffer from chronic pain (fibromyalgia), insomnia, headaches, and stress/anxiety disorders.
Deep relaxation exercises ( progressive muscle relaxation) have really helped me remove some of the muscle tension I feel when I am stressed .
There are many resources on the internet including exercises on Calm and videos on YouTube. I am still learning more about this form of medication but wanted to share what I have found helpful to understand body awareness, progressive muscle relaxation, also known as 'body scan'.
https://www.mindful.org/a-3-minute-body-scan-meditation-to-cultivate-mindfulness/
https://www.mindful.org/beginners-body-scan-meditation/
https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/muscle-relaxation-for-stress-insomnia
https://www.webmd.com/fibromyalgia/default.htm
Even if you are struggling with balancing your needs and your family's needs. Just remember what they say when we are on planes, ‘Put on your mask first, before you put on our children’s masks', that's the same for our physical and mental health. We need to take care of ourselves, in order to be better caregivers for our children/family. So take a couple of minutes to give these deep relaxation techniques a go to help you with pain related to stress, AND to avoid stress related issues that could occur in the future!
Happy Breathing/Deep Relaxation everyone! Help bring balance to your mind and your body and of course feed your soul!
Gratitude & Internal Connection
Gratitude can lower blood pressure, strengthen your immune system, and improve sleep. I keep a blessings journal; jotting down simple things to be grateful for really does help you feel more compassionate and empathetic, more forgiving, and less lonely. Another part of my process is meditation. Whether you choose a traditional guided approach (trust me, there IS an app for that) or just go hiking on a crisp fall afternoon, meditation can help with stress, anxiety, and sleep.[2]
Setting Boundaries
“No.” Just two letters, but difficult to say! Yet “no” can be a powerful shield. Creating boundaries tells others, “I love you, BUT you need to respect my time.”
Nothing made that clearer to me than the COVID shutdown. When things started “opening up” again, I missed family time, reading, board games, yoga. Suddenly my activities, events, and projects were taking time away from the people I wanted to be around and the things I genuinely WANTED to do. Instead of going back to the way things were, I learned to say “no” to pursuits that depleted me, and “yes” to things that energized me, like pursuing my education, homeschooling my younger two children, and working on my podcast.[3] I love helping others, but to do that, I need to help myself—which sometimes means uttering that difficult two-letter word.
Nurture Your Partnership
I take my four children to practices, tutoring, and training—all while running a business and OH wait a minute, dealing with the added stress of a pandemic! I am like millions of other mothers carrying more than their share.
With my poor husband consistently at the bottom of my never-ending to-do list, tension and stress started erupting at every misplaced sigh or abrupt ending to a conversation. Parental responsibility, physical exhaustion, and emotional depletion became excuses for lack of intimacy as we crashed into bed each night, backs turned and love tanks empty. And with us struggling, the kids started feeling untethered and anxious too.
It took a heated argument and some therapy, but now accountability, consistent check-ins, and one-on-one time without the kids have helped rekindle intimacy. After all, before we were parents, we were partners.
Work-Life Balance
Sorry, there’s no such thing! Telling mothers they can “have it all” just sets them up to fail—but accepting our limitations can help us integrate the various components of our lives so that we feel emotionally balanced.
In my life, that means compartmentalizing, scheduling short blocks of time to focus on one task—and accepting that periodically, all of that goes out the window to accommodate life’s surprises. It helps to schedule around your productive periods when you are naturally more alert. (For me, that’s before 5:00 pm.) Embrace multitasking. Listen to audiobooks while you fold laundry, chat with your mom as you do dishes.
The self-care paradox will always be there. As mothers, it’s our nature to feel guilt when we prioritize our own needs. But remember what flight attendants always say before takeoff: “Please put your own oxygen mask on before helping others.”
It’s true. If you can’t breathe, you can’t help anyone else.