Trigger Warning (TW) – relationship abuse mentioned

What would you do if money was no object? We’ve all heard this one before from a bunch of different people, or even posed it ourselves. If you had 10 people in a room, it’s a pretty safe bet that you’d more than likely get some similar answers from traveling the world, after quitting your job, buying that dream home, moving to another country, etc. Honestly, I’ve yet to hear anything really exciting or off the wall. So, at dinner one night, when a friend started with what I thought was going to be something similar—myself and our other friend were automatically ready with our comebacks—but instead, she asked: If you won the lottery, would you still stay, and share it, with the current people in your life?

We both went silent. We didn’t even look at each other, too many new thoughts were swirling in our heads, and landing nowhere quickly. I won’t divulge what we shared, or the conclusions we came to as I don’t want to influence anyone. Is this a simple question for you to answer?

Let’s put some more color around this. You’ve just inherited $250 million dollars—no strings attached. Abundant options and decisions are now in front of you. The dream homes and first-class world travel are easy to get, but who are you living and traveling with? In this new phase of your life, who are you being happy and at peace with?  If you have a loving partner, brilliant kids, dog, cat, and goldfish-you, my friend, are gold, much like your fish. You cash that big check, pay the taxes and well, your current life has just had a monetary boost, equivalent to an adrenaline shot. Go forth and prosper, nothing to see here. TW- this saddens me to have to state this, but if you’re in any kind of abusive relationship, lottery win or not, please seek help to exit that situation immediately. Please.

Now for everyone else living in that in-between, grey space-what are your first thoughts or reactions? 

Maybe your circumstances are not so black and white, cut and dry. You’ve been living with the good and the bad, but maybe the bad is stuck on repeat; slowly and systematically eroding your sense of self, or what you can almost recall of yourself. Do you use this newfound wealth to hire the very best professional help? No expense spared to say fix what’s wrong in your marriage, or long-term relationship. You’re prepared to buckle down and find the path to resolve that beyond-strained relationship with a parent, child, or sibling? But are all parties committed to thrashing through past hurts and dealing with the ugly head-on? Do we all have the same end goal of coming back together because there are love and happiness still there, and not just a fabulous home in a great address? 

Or are your thoughts inching towards splitting your windfall, zero hard feelings, and going to your separate corners? Combined debts are no longer a worry, and on the flip side, those overpriced whatever’s that you longed for can be added to the cart with a single click. However, those overpriced things are just that-things. Temporary highs not designed for the long-haul or fulfilling life. No matter how you look at it, in front of you is an opportunity to redesign your life. What does it look like, and who are you living it with?

Making the break could appear like the clearest option. A way for everyone to start over, leaving all that heavy baggage in the past. Well-meaning friends and family offer their opinions on your thoughts of separation, and you listen knowing they are sorely lacking in the facts. Comments on how a decision to call it a day will affect X other people; and maybe you’re being hasty, or worse, selfish. You continue to question yourself. Are you making this decision with your heart or with your head? Is this all about the money? Will your choice change you for the better or the worse? Are you being selfish?

Decisions can be hella difficult. They take time; they zap energy. Some are final, others are not, and more often than not you’re left with a win and a loss. Inevitably, you conclude that the result—whichever way you go—can’t be perfect or even everything that you wanted. But perhaps in sacrificing some part of what you wanted you’ll eventually, hopefully, move that bit closer to a better you.

Still thinking? Or have you made your decision?