Eight weeks after the birth of my son, my husband and I left Chicago and moved to Washington, D.C. Leaving behind all that was familiar, I suddenly found myself navigating new motherhood 1,000 miles away from where I had lived my entire life. It was like going from being a kid myself to being a mom, in one jump.

I attempted to find “mom friends” but we rarely seemed to have much in common, other than being new parents. Also, I was only 24, and it seemed like most of the people around me were starting their parenting journeys a little later in their lives. Some of the moms I met even seemed to treat parenting like a competition, which I hated. I ended up feeling very much alone in my journey as a first-time mom. Without connections with other people who understood what I was going through, people that I could share my struggles with, I didn’t have the support I needed. 

Worse, I didn’t think I should need support. I had this vague idea that motherhood was supposed to be this divine, transcendent, awe-inspiring thing. When I didn’t have that experience or immediately feel that joyous connection with motherhood, I thought there must be something wrong with me.

I felt this way even though my own mother and I had never had that traditional mother-daughter bond. She was 19 when she had me. Having lost her mother at an early age, she didn’t quite know what it was to be a mother and in some ways I essentially “raised” myself. I think we both were alone in our journeys as parents. Like her, I had to kind of figure it out on my own. 

If we want to stop passing trauma along to the next generation, we have to break the patterns of behavior that keep it going. For me, the turning point was the birth of my second child—a daughter this time. Looking at her for the first time, I realized that the status quo was not enough. I wanted to be a role model for her. I wanted her to be free from having to carry the burdens I inherited. To do that, I knew I had to work on myself.

I started creating a circle of support from the ground up. At first it was for me, to finally access the friendship and solidarity that had been missing. But because of the loneliness I had felt as I started my motherhood journey, I found that I wanted to help as many new moms through that transition as possible. I didn’t want anyone else to have to feel the way I had: alone, ashamed, overworked and alienated. I especially wanted to support other minority women. 

I am a big believer in the idea, “If it doesn’t exist, create it.” I began studying trauma-based healing and coaching. I started support groups, created opportunities for mothers to share their struggles, and ultimately founded an award-winning podcast. 

It is an ongoing process. I don’t believe that I found some magic solution, only a path on which I am guided by my strong belief in friendship and solidarity, and their power to help all of us EMERGE from isolation and support one another as mothers, women, and people. 

Until Next Time,

Zaiba Hasan (MAMA| CEO| Podcaster)

EMERGE Consulting Services, is a FULL-service coaching concierge company.

www.emergeconsulting.solutions