I like to think that now at a certain age—let’s just go with over 40, that I can declare that I have indeed found my friend tribe, or maybe at a minimum know the criteria of a person who would make the cut. I’m grown, and know what I like in a person, and definitely know what I do not. Between the ages of 10 and 20, also thinking I was grown, I was sure I’d set upon the bestest set of friends that had ever walked the earth. We would be friends forever and nothing or no one could come between us, right? Uh—wrong. I am super lucky to have held on to a solid group of those Bad Bitches, who to this day are my daughter’s crazy aunties (you know who you are), but along the way I lost a few, ones that I would have put money on that we’d still be besties right now, and that shocked me.

Fast forward to today, and my friend tribe, isn’t made up of one core group of girls who’ve all know each other for eons- and yes, I have guy friends, too, but am focusing on my girls for now- but ones who likely will never meet and that’s A-OK. I also live in a different country than my birth country, and so my friend tribe is actually multiple tribes, multiple groupings of friends categorized by many things. Some are from childhood, some based on where I live or work, or events from my kid’s school, but regardless, each one fills a perfectly special need that makes me the person I am, and hope to continue to be. The fundamental connection between these groups isn’t just me, that would be too obvious, but their make-up, their character/attitude, and their always-there-for-me-ness. This inevitably makes being around their addictive energy, almost like they could be the same people—when they are not. Confused? I get it, but hold on. They are not the same hue, or religion or even of any religion, education or financial status - but their love, support and crazy, are deep. I’m now in this warm and cozy space, where having friend tribes like these, equips me with the confidence to hand out zero fucks, whenever I face utter bullshit. Are you in the same space? 

When it comes to those who intentionally talk behind your back, or unintentionally put you down, intentionally miss including you, or unintentionally treat you as less than, it might serve you well to weigh up the pros and cons of keeping them in your tribe. Heck, you might shock yourself as you experience a contact high, ruthlessly cutting them off in one fail swoop. But wait a minute, everyone makes mistakes, and needs a second chance, right? You’re absolutely right. However, is this really their second chance, the second time you’ve been on the receiving end of [insert whatever hurt you’ve been feeling]? Can I go out on a limb here and say I doubt it? I thought when you make a big mistake, the ones that really wound someone, and worse yet, someone you called a friend, aren’t you supposed to apologize to within an inch of your life, promise and commit to never doing that again, then you know—not doing that shit again? I call for reevaluating friendships like they were a job. Are the hours you’re putting in worth what you’re getting out? Or maybe even like your clothes - does this still fit you, does it make you feel good or like crap? Of your twenty pairs of jeans, I bet you only wear like two on rotation-because those two never let you down. 

Still a little apprehensive? Run your thoughts of pausing on a failing friendship by anyone of your other friends in any of the other groups. If they have your best interests at heart, like you do for them, then sweetie, it’s time to cut’em off, like the dead, crusty, toenail they are. Test it out—I’ll wait.